I Might Still Be Dehydrated
Last updated: 8/30/2026 | Originally published: 8/30/2026
Friends, I have become a convert!
… to the church of the shoehorn.
When I briefly lived in Germany, shoehorns were found in every home, but somehow I never picked up the habit. Recently, however, I found myself buying slightly-nicer sneakers and the friendly salesman suggested I use the provided shoehorn so as not to, you know, destroy the shoes I was trying on. Plus they make putting shoes on much easier, he pointed out. And he was, on both points, correct.
Shoehorns work by sitting against the inside back of a shoe, particularly a snug shoe, letting you slide your foot directly into the shoe without having to hold on to the shoe or, worse yet, doing that awful dance of squashing the back of the shoe as you try to jam your feet in, which tends to destroy the structural integrity of the shoe. Plus longer shoehorns let you do this without even bending over!
So I ended up dropping about 5 bucks on Ikea’s shoehorn, which is a sturdy, metallic, 3-foot-tall number, complete with a hook on one hand to hang it by the door.
On another note, reading the Wikipedia page has pointed out that “shoehorning,” as in “shoehorning into the crowded bus,” literally refers to a shoehorn being used to jam a foot into a tight shoe. Somehow it has literally never occurred to me to think of a literal shoehorn when using that phrase!
On a related note, I’ve always been curious about phrases in other languages that are “obviously” compound to language learners but are not consciously perceived that way by fluent speakers. The most obvious example I can think of — there’s plenty, in many different languages — is 你好1 I’ve always wondered the same about 马上, which literally means “on horseback” but in modern Mandarin is usually used to mean “immediately” or “right away.” I’ve always wondered if Mandarin speakers actually visualize a horse when they say that, or if they just think of 马上 as a single word. in Mandarin, which broadly translates to “hello” but literally means “you good”. That said, I’m pretty sure most Mandarin speakers perceive it as a single word and don’t typically consciously notice that it has subcomponents — though maybe I’m wrong about that.
I’m just back from Olivia Rodrigo’s Daisy Chain Festival, which apparently raised $20 million for charities supporting women and girls, in part due to a donation match by Melinda Gates. Lovely festival, great performances, a good experience all around notwithstanding the 90°+ temperatures in Irvine and the hour-plus-long food lines.2 The density of food vendors seemed just as high as, say, Warped Tour or Outside Lands; they just seemed much, much slower.
Yet… there was something that felt a touch corporate, a touch self-congratulatory about the whole thing. Like, it raised a lot of money for charity3 All the artists played for free!! and Rodrigo seemed genuinely touched when Stevie Nicks started rambling about how impressive the whole thing was and I’m sure it’ll be a major touchstone in the lives of many tween girls who will go on to be major artists in their own right. And, for all that, I am very glad it exists and that I got a chance to go.
But.
It was also an event where I got a complimentary cup of You Seem Pretty Pink For A Baja Blast™️ at the Taco Bell™️ Live Más™️ Café:
I think what I’m trying to say is that this is the moment where the concept of “selling out” finally died its long-overdue death and collapsed all of culture into a flat circle.
Then again, it seems Olivia Rodrigo is slacking. She should have started her charity at age 5, at least according to this billboard seen at the Oakland San Francisco Bay “Not To Be Confused With SFO” Airport:
The charity’s website explains that he founded it “with the support of his family”, which makes quite a bit more sense.
This issue feels unusually grumpy, for which I apologize. I might still be dehydrated.